How I Learned To Let Go | Allan Kehler

If something is starting to feel out of control, then it probably is.

There are countless circumstances around us that we have no control over. We have no power over another person’s thoughts, attitudes, or actions. What we do have power over is how we react in response to them.

Everyone deserves to have the freedom to live life on their own terms. The more that we focus on what lies within our control, the more power we have. From this place, we can focus on our own journey while maintaining a level of inner peace.

I never had a brother, but my best friend, Justin, was as close to a brother that I could ever have imagined. He was the best man at my wedding, and he delivered a powerful and emotional speech outlining our strong and unique bond. Just over one year later, I delivered a similar message at his funeral. Sadly, Justin needed an escape from an internal pain that he viewed as permanent, and acted on suicide.

On the one-year anniversary of his passing, I travelled to his gravesite to reflect. I sat on the ground and placed a frame with different photos of us on the ground in front of me. Immediately, it fell down from its upright position. Not phased, I gently picked the frame from off of the ground, wiped off some debris, and once again placed it in front of me. Again, it fell down. It wasn`t even windy.

Slightly frustrated I repeated this process. Just as before, it once again fell down. At this point I got mad. I stood up, spread my arms open wide, and yelled, “What`s going on?”

Clear as day, I received one word.


It was in that exact moment that I understood. In the past year I had spent so much time thinking about what I could have done that I lost out on my own journey. I cannot control the actions of others, and in the same way I will not take ownership for the actions of others.

At this moment I was able to let go. It is not that the pain stopped, but I was no longer consumed by this loss.

Letting go means that you are releasing your grip on something that is taking away from your ability to enjoy life. I now understand that there is a process to let go of something, and it always involves allowing yourself to feel.

I encourage you to take a step back, and examine what is in your control, and what is out of your control. Perhaps it is time to take your power back.


* For additional information on this topic

feel free to check out Allan’s book:



“What’s stronger than a broken man who has the courage to rebuild himself? It’s time to redefine what it means to be strong.”

- Allan Kehler